She coached Nobel Prize recipients and executives from Google. Johnson & Johnson and beyond…
She was nicknamed “Miss Independent” at an early age when you moved to Paris alone at 21 years old – with no money and not even speaking the language….
Colleen Slaughter is an executive coach for business owners and team leaders and this is the episode for you if you’re feeling in the winter of your business - a little flat, low self-esteem, a little unsure about what’s next… there is an answer. Tune in and know that you’re not alone.
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I always like to start at the beginning because I find that obviously our background, our family, our childhood experiences often help us turn into the person we become. So tell us a little bit about what childhood was like for you. Where did you grow up?
Colleen Slaughter
Oh gosh. So this is what I mean about disrupting and vulnerability. Well, I grew up in Kentucky, which I would say overall is a really good place to live. It has significance when we talk about the fact that I ended up moving to Paris, right from Kentucky. But as we're talking about my childhood, let's say I'm 52 and a half and I'm still working through it.
So I'm an adult child of multiple alcoholics. My father was never in my life. I was a surprise to both of them and my father just abdicated any kind of responsibility or anything. My mother, I would say bravely decided to have me, but completely ill-equipped. She had been kicked out of the house, let's say her parents' house, especially her mother was ashamed as an Irish Catholic that my mom was unwed and had my mom go live with her sister, my aunt, in Michigan at the time. And so, it started off, even in utero where my mom was pretty depressed. I mean, she had the rejection of two key people in her life.
And I remember my earliest years as being the happiest when my mom, before she got into partnership with another man, because she was more available. It felt like that was like Thelma and Louise in a sense, except that one of them was smaller, of course. And then once the man came in, my mom just has never been able to choose men that are healthy, so that obviously had an impact on me.
There's certain fond memories I have, like I mentioned when I was young with my mom. And I have an aunt and uncle and cousins with whom I particularly had a really good time and really craved to go over and be with them. But overall, it was a childhood where I felt in the way and that comes up a lot - that's where I do a lot around self-advocacy and I felt tolerated.
There was a lot of stress around money. And so I thought that money was the big reason for the problems. I didn't know that it was really alcoholism, right, and stinking thinking. And so, yeah, I've been on a huge journey, not only geographically from Kentucky here, but also emotionally and spiritually to not only change the physical geography, but the internal topography as well.
Yeah, let's talk about that move to France. That couldn't have been an easy one. Tell us about that.
The first time I came, I was a sophomore in university. And, I will say one of the things really good that my mom did was encourage me to follow my dreams. She would say, for example, if you're a ballet dancer, you would go to New York, encourage you to go to New York Ballet, right? I always felt this intuitive pull toward France.
And so there was a semester abroad program, which was melding both of my majors, which was French and Business Management. And so I took advantage of it, even though quite frankly, it was really out of reach financially. When I got off the plane, I was like a typical American, meaning I had just had a couple of years, a few years of French under my belt, could hardly speak when I got here and totally culture shocked.
I mean, I had never lived in an international city, much less than abroad. Everything felt awful. That is until about three months into it, right around the time I had to go home because it was the end of semester, that I started getting in the groove of this now and I felt truly inspired to come back. So I had a bunch of back and forths because the following summer in Kentucky, I met a Frenchman who became my excuse to go back and did multiple back and forths, meaning six weeks over here in France, back in the States to earn money, figure out what I'm doing, come back over here. So I had this love hate or this grass is greener thing always going on. And on one of those occasions I learned that I could be Irish.
And so, on my next trip back to the States, because I had to pursue it from my home country. I did all the paperwork and I chose that the fact that now I have this European passport, it was right around the time of Maastricht and the EU forming that I would give it a go for the whole year. Because I'd only been in France at that point just a few weeks or a maximum of a month or two, but always in the fall and winter, never in the spring and summer.
I wanted to experience France during that period. And it was right around that time that they passed the seven week vacation rule. So I thought I can't go home now. I've done all this work! But it was indeed bumpy, it was a rocky road. I mean, learning the language, getting settled - financially or economically, because there was a lot of unemployment at that time. But thankfully as an Anglo-Saxon who was very flexible. So I did a lot of secretarial roles in different industries. So for example, working with lawyers, working in the pharmaceutical industry. And because I had that flexibility and the English mother tongue, I've always managed to find something, but it was a lot of stops and starts, you can imagine.
Colleen, Thank you for sharing all that. It's quite the start to your adulthood. I can't help but think that all of that that you experienced in your life led you to where you are today. Yes?
Oh for sure.
Is this where the coaching was born or tell us a bit about how the dots connect. What was the connecting link?
Yeah, Great question. It was both externally and internally. So my belief system is that we all come in with a soul contract, like a purpose of what we're going to do in this lifetime. And I do believe this is my soul purpose. And so with that, for me, what that means is that doors will open. They just open and then I also get this internal lighting up happening when it's the right thing for me. So I have always been, I believe, blessed with this, I guess some people would call it intuition. It probably is, but it feels even stronger than that, that I just know when I have to do something.
For example, coming from the lower class family in Kentucky, but knowing I just had to go to Paris. And it sounded crazy to a lot of people, right? Of course it sounds like, yeah, la la, you know. Like not on concrete, and I would get a lot of naysayers, of course, right? Like, well, what about this? What about that? You don't have the money. What about your French? What are you going to do about your career if you're always running off to France? And all I knew is this is what I need to do. And then because I would trust that it's almost as though I would get internally harassed by this voice until I would do it. And then I'd be left alone.
And life just became so much bigger and my perspective is completely different. I had a conversation with someone recently and we were talking about how once one lives abroad, there's no way to go back and shift your mindset. Right? And so I love the outside effect.
And then when I did go to coaching school, which ended up being in my late thirties and I was already living back in the States. And the reason I went to coaching school amazingly is because there I was in the States, but I wanted to get back to Europe. But I knew I needed to make a step change in my career and not just go back to Europe and then complain about the job again, but actually do something totally different.
So I went to coaching school and I thought I would go as a feather in my hat. Something to help me get closer to HR with talent management or org design or something like that. But midway through, again, my body lit up and I'm like, okay, this is the whole hat. It's not the feather, let go of the feather. And also I had majored in entrepreneurship in MBA, right? So this really married well, if you will, with the idea of coaching and the creativity of it.
But also the founder of my coaching school, somebody I respect greatly. And he said, what makes coaches really great is a combination of a few things. One is their life experience. And I'm like, hello. Hello. The second thing is a formal structure of coaching education, right? Like just knowing the tactics for it. Of course, every coaching situation, conversation is gonna be different. It's not a one size fits all, but that overall knowing the fundamentals and having that formal background. And then the third is a general interest in life. So cultures, films, books, languages, and I'm like, hello so it just all seemed to fit.
And then for me, when I'm in coaching or facilitating teams, I’m definitely always learning, I’m learning about myself. I'm learning about other people. And the truth is I don't usually feel like I'm working because it's just so fulfilling. And I've had moments where I'm like, I wonder if I'm really giving value because I'm the one feeling fulfilled, but then I'll get the feedback from people, wow, that was amazing. And so I started understanding that it's one of my gifts. Not only did I feel called to it, which makes sense that then it's also a gift. So they go together. That's to me, when the soul purpose piece comes together.
And Colleen, I think by your repertoire of clients who you have worked with will likely be the thing that tells the tale of how much value you're offering. So for our listeners, you've coached Nobel Prize recipients and various executives from large household name brands, Johnson & Johnson, Google, LinkedIn, et cetera. What an incredible CV for want of a better word.
And clearly then you're on your calling. So you talk about this soul purpose and knowing when you're aligned, but you also mentioned that you're not always your greatest cheerleader.
So I have a question for you. The question relates to, and we like to position the conversation a little around the whole Hero's Journey, where you set off to achieve a quest and something doesn't quite go as planned and you need to overcome a challenge. And then you meet a mentor along the way and that mentor will guide you back onto the right path. And then there's a dragon, fire breathing dragon and what next? And I'm really picking up that actually your fire breathing dragon may often have been self doubt, as you've described. And so in those moments, in those moments, your body's not alight, it's not tingling, it's not telling you you're on track. What do you do?
Yeah, it's a great question. I'm really grateful that I have a very solid network of really loving people that I can reach out to. So there are a lot of people in my network that have been through similar journeys or on similar journeys that I am. They came from really, traumatic childhoods as well that know the deal because they're living the same thing. And so they're able to be there for me, there are moments I can be there for them. And so there's a solidity there. I also work with coaches that help me with my own mindset, give me a mirror and say, okay, you know, what's the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. So I can stay insane by having stinking thinking that I know doesn't work for me. Or I can most of the time, authenticity is a really big thing with me, and so Pollyanna stuff like, ‘Everything's wonderful’, has never worked. I've always needed just straight shot exactly what's true.
So for me to go from, let's say, because similar to the Hero's Journey it reminds me a lot of Otto Scharmer’s Theory U right, the bottom of the U up to the top, which is similar, very similar. In fact, it's modelled after the hero's journey, which I love.
For me, there needs to be authenticity. So rather than, for example, talking myself out of the stinking thinking, or ‘should-ing’ on myself and Pollyanna are two things that don't work. Let's say that, right. But being that loving parent to myself and saying, sweetie, you've been here so many times. You've been here so many times and you know, actually to be, I'm actually walking through a dark time now, I will tell you, right? And so this is perfect because it feels a bit like a lot of what's going on, what I knew my life to be, is no more.
And there's something very, I'm in a big transition, but I don't know what it is. And so that feels really scary. And so, what do I do? What are my to-dos? One, I reached out to people that help me get perspective, straight up perspective, again, not Pollyanna and not being critical, but really in a loving way, but honest.
The second thing I do, I take really good care of myself. I do that anyway but I especially get out the gloves, the kid gloves, treat myself like fine china because there's something in me, a part of me, you know about parts work, right, that needs to be heard. And actually right now, I know it's my teenager, my inner teenager who worked her butt off, graduated top of my high school class, got myself physically out of there, right? But then… you know, there's some of that coming back or it's like, what's going on? I need to get out of here and it's not working.
So I, very often it's that move a muscle change of feeling, right? That phrase. So yes, I always exercise. That's not new, but it's moving a gentle muscle, being gentle and then allowing in my feelings. Because usually when I'm being really hard on myself, I'm avoiding some kind of feeling, that sadness. And so letting myself feel that and then I'm always moved, not in my timing, but I'm always moved through it at some point. And then I've learned something different about myself and I have a different perspective and clarity and all of that. So that was a long-winded answer, but I was figuring it out as you were asking.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing that you are in that space now. I think that really speaks volumes to your authenticity. It will show our listeners that you came on a podcast even though you weren't feeling on top of the world.
Yeah, definitely. And thank you for saying that. Yeah. It's amazing. When I work with a lot, a lot of people,and again, as I told you before, my comfort zone for authenticity and vulnerability is enormous. And just being me, the number of times I hear people say, “Oh my gosh, you created this safe space.” I'm like, well, I'm glad to hear that. But what was it that was safe for you? They go, “Well, you just told us exactly what's happening.”
And sometimes with reason, because corporate world can be scary, right? Really scary. I mean, in terms of the threats to our own identity, the threats to our freedom, like there's a lot of, a lot about it that isn't safe, right? Not in every organisation, but in many.
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And so a lot of people really do have to have layers of protection where everything becomes fine. And while that's understandable in the corporate world where we're there, cause I'm not actually, I am as an advisor, but not as an employee, so those of us who work there need that to survive. But the danger is what happens when we tell ourselves we're fine and we're not.
It blocks us from being able to move through the hero's journey as you're saying it, because it starts with self honesty.
Yeah, yeah, because you can't conquer that dragon if you don't face it first, right? You just keep running away from it, which I think a lot of people do. A lot of people use escapism to survive trauma. Thats why addictions are so high. Exactly, exactly. Do you work with entrepreneurs as well?
I do. I do.
What's your main piece of advice you'd give somebody going through the trials and tribulations that entrepreneurship brings.
Yeah. Yeah. What's my main piece of advice? Stay the course, be consistent. So I just started reading, a mentor suggested I read The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. And that's a really good example. So being clear, having a clear vision, not just from the left brain, but from heart, what do we want to create and why, why are we doing what we're doing? There's that purpose thing again. And then every day, show up. So break down the goals that we have for that big vision into monthly, weekly and daily. But here's the important piece I find right now because this particular market for most business owners I know is completely stagnant for most business owners I know. So it's a bit frustrating if we want results like this.
But it's like breaking it down and then letting go, doing it and letting go results. So for example, reach out to five people a day, reach out to five people a day, do it anyway, whether or not they get back with us, right? Do it anyway. And that's what I'm learning. I'm coaching myself to do it anyway. Weekly goal might be reach out to 25 people or, monthly goal be on a wonderful podcast, it might be have a round table, right? There are different things that we can be doing regardless of what's going on out there. But the main thing is to have the goals and stay the course, regardless of what's going on.
Yeah, you can't control the external stuff.
We can't control the external, we can adjust. If some of the messaging needs to be adjusted or things like that. Jim Rohn, I'm listening to one of his things, I actually became aware of him a few months ago, but he talks about the seasons of our business. For sure, there will be four seasons of our business. And not just usually one time it will happen multiple times. And so in the winter of our business, which I'm in, it seems like I'm in, even though it's September and the fall where I live. But, it's, how do you use it? How do you use the time? How do you plant the seeds? How do you get the ground ready?
And so that's been a new thought process for me recently. Because as I mentioned, I have a whole host of people supporting me and one of them has talked about, is really helping me with that business development piece and that mindset that we don't just sit back when we're not getting answers, we just keep dropping, dropping the seeds.
I really enjoy that seasons analogy because when you talk about winter, I can't help but think about rest. And this is the season when some animals hibernate because they're storing up energy to use for the rest of the year. And just because we're resting doesn't mean we're not doing anything in our business, but maybe it just means we're doing different things. Like it's strategic versus the busy work or, if there's a winter of bleak responsiveness. It's maybe about planning or creating marketing materials for a later date or that kind of thing. I just feel like there's a sense of rest and restoration there as well.
Less busyness and more intentional actions is what I hear you saying.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Thank you. And there was another thing that you mentioned is the, ‘Do it anyway.’ I can't help but think that as people in business for ourselves, it can be easy to be distracted by how we feel about something, or you might well have a plan, you might well have a plan and a schedule that's set out every day and you know what to do. It doesn't necessarily mean you're going to do it.
And I see business owners wake up and go, I’m just not in the mood and I think that can be a business killer.
[Laugh] I don’t know anything about that.
We've never not been motivated ever. I think it's normal, right. How does one get motivated? What do you do? How do you unstick yourself?
Yeah, that's a great one. Well, I'm still learning. There's the authentic piece of that. I'm still learning how to do it. But one thing I think about is being really kind to my future self. So it's just like investing in a bank account, or a savings account or investment, right? Like putting that money in on a daily basis. I think it was Barbara Stanny who does a lot of women in wealth. She advised a lot of women on investing and whatnot. Her married name is Huson. Barbara Stanny-Huson, I want to be respectful of that.
But she said, if you want to get high, go to Vegas when it comes to investing, but if you want real wealth, you'll do the daily deal. Weekly or monthly, right? Putting the money away. So in that moment, there's no real sense of gratification in the moment but it's later when the money grows, right? And so it is with these daily acts. It's like, that's why for me, I actually just had a conversation with myself about I've gotten away from my daily and weekly goals, right? So this is good. I'm saying this, I'm being accountable now. And that's where I learned that just do it anyway. Like reaching out to five people a day doesn't even take five minutes. I feel better about myself because I know I'm doing everything I can today. It's like the universe. I know even if I'm in my soul purpose, not everything out there like you said earlier, which I appreciated hearing can be controlled. Of course not. We can only control what we're doing, but we have to do our part. We have to show up and say to the universe, okay, we mean business. I just think about my future self. And I also think about that vision I want to create. What is the vision?
And I used to have this distorted notion that people, entrepreneurs who are really wealthy, right? You've been really successful in their businesses that somehow they just clicked and all of sudden things came. Now that might be the case for a small percentage, but I've been really lucky that, or I've also chosen to ask for help from very successful people. And in all cases, all of them talk about backing up and punting, having periods, winter periods, having periods in their business where things weren't working either. And so that's that whole ‘stay the course’, but also being loyal to the vision they want to create. And so I do what they do. I do what they do.
It's that, it takes 10 years to be an overnight success, right? That's it.
Yeah, it is that. There's a meme with an iceberg and I love the iceberg for other reasons, but it has at the top, above the waterline, success or whatever word we want to put their fulfilment, whatever word, but underneath it shows everything else that we've been through. I don't really believe in the word failure, so I won't use that, but I'll use say learnings, things not going the way we want, redo's and frustration and discouragement and all of that being part of the journey to get up there to success.
Laura
Yeah. That's such a good point because it is such a journey and all entrepreneurs have to undertake the journey. I talk a lot on this podcast about the journey of self-development, which I think entrepreneurship so is, everything you've said, right? Yeah. How your journey has helped you with overcoming, your experiences growing up, how you still come back and have to deal with that, how you have to be kind to yourself and your teenage self, almost re -parent, right? That's such a thing. It's such a real thing. But entrepreneurship gives you that space because you have to. You just have to look inward. You can't just keep chugging along and get to success. Like you said, it takes so much learning, so much experience. The bad times, the good times, the winters, getting through them all. Probably some hurricanes too, in there.
Colleen Slaughter
Just a few, a few tornadoes.
Laura
And that's what gets me so excited to come on this podcast and have conversations like this with people like you who have the experiences and then use them to help others.
Colleen Slaughter
I am just so always thrilled to have real conversations to go into the depths and be truly honest at all different levels. So thank you both for not only holding the space, but actively wanting to be there with me.
